Half of my life was just a test.
I now spend my time figuring out
If that’s all I can do with what’s left.
Failed myself countless times,
Only to find my way to the finish line
When everyone’s home and the only one
To join my cheers is the Father’s Son.
But I don’t mind, how could I now?
All my days have been hollowed out
By selfish deeds and greedy thieves
Stealing from their own vault, locked away–
But, losing weight, they seem light enough
To hang above my head in peaceful protest of
The life I spent challenging me, myself, and He.
You cannot have only faith in the Lord. You cannot have hope in our Lord. You should LOVE our Lord, wholly and completely. With your LOVE in your Lord, you will trust. With your LOVE in your Lord, you will know. And trusting, and knowing, through LOVE will release you from the bonds of anxiety; your LOVE for God breaks your chains of human condition, of, “I need,” and, “what will happen…”. Forget that you need. Forget that you are curious of your own demise. LOVE your God. LOVE supplants necessity. LOVE works within your spirit, shaking off your words and baking you in God’s. Know how you can tell what your partner, your parents, your friends, your siblings, your cousins are thinking when nothing has been said? God knows you without your needing to say a word. God LOVES you, and with that LOVE, your God gives you everything before you know you have a need for it. Do the same. LOVE God to where you feel God’s presence. LOVE God to where God’s own LOVE comes through. This isn’t a one-way LOVE, having one without. This is God’s LOVE.
Feel ashamed when I fall out of favor.
Lower my head, relax my shoulders,
And lose my way toward the simplest
Of destinations. I trip over my thoughts
To bring myself back to the trail I
Feel I was pushed from. I
Run through paved clearings and
Brake to take a route through
The woods:the limbs and leaves
Grazing me as I sprint and stumble,
Sprint and stumble toward
The benches between trees and where
The irregulars walk at a safe distance from.
Really what this is about: safety.
Ability to be safely away from
Who is looking a threat,
Who is still while we are moving.
And, we must show them, the
Sitters, still, we are not afraid;
Though, truly, we are– or distance
Would be but an inconvenience.
Show. That’s what we do. We
Show others who we want to be,
Like puppets of ourselves, and
Reluctant ring leaders hiding
The lack of any acts. All the while,
We long for others to see through
This visage/this brittle, transparent
Film we’ve placed in our own eyes,
But for theirs. Here is where the
Clues become relevant, though the
Others seldom look to watch our acts
And, thusly, see our tells. How funny.
I think I have a compulsive reaction to overused mediums. I can never write in the same place. Writing starts to feel manufactured, and I block out new material. I project the words onto their canvas, but traditionally think of them and just get bored writing/tapping. I need some writing gusto.