Now.txt

Now is not the time to forget what you have come out of. You are more than now. Now is just a thin film over your eyes, with vast cities, rivers, mountains, and land beyond. Good is where you are and where you have been; all to come is difficult and trying until that, too, becomes good.

What am I searching for?

What am I searching for?
What makes me think what
I have is not what I need?
I am a tree, having found
A never ending supply of
Nourishment, but still
Sending roots in another
Direction, just to know
My surroundings. Bullshit.
I am more than a tree. I
Am a fat king who still
Looks for more food. Fuck
That.

The Rules (Break ’em).txt

I once thought
The rules were
A means to
Greatness; a
Way of conform-
ING to expec-
Tations and
Being able to
Show worth
By being better
In the gates. Now
I know, as all
Trespassers do,
The lawn is but
A plot of land
Surrounded by
Billions more
In every direc-
Tion, and a
Single is worth
So much less
Than the whole. Now
I know the world has
More vertices than
X and Y. Now
I know the world has
More subtleties than
You and I. Now
I know that all we have
Is here, where
We are; and He
Tells us how
Far that goes.

— and they play along the arm

There they crouch/
And play along
The arm of a couch
Ripped apart
By comfort’s needs
To be where
No one can see.

We lay here,
On a couch that
Has let us be
And been a bitch
To move. But,
Here we lay, where
Our family knows
All are near if
To be hidden or fall’n
Asleep.

Cut | Copy | Paste

Lord,
I fight for my family. I may
Say words, but my heart
Is filled all the way with my family.
They matter most to who I
Have become, who I
Will eventually look back and see.
They
Are Your blessing and Your ark for
Me, my anchor when I fly and
My rudder when I float. They,
Whom You have set in my journey,
This life, are Your hands and I shall
Always strive to be Your fingers
Clasping a bride, Your fingertips
On the cheek of a newborn, Your knuckles
White in celebration of a child, Your palms
Outstretched to welcome a friend.
I will be who You have destined me,
And I will do it willingly, with only
Good intentions to slow my path–
Though, we both know You set those.

I Do Not Write

I do not write for you, invisible existence. I write for He who knows my name and loves me still. I write to jot and scribble observations of a worldly, spiritual, existentialist nature. I say nature in conjunction, though mean to stand it fully by itself. The logical, visual, visceral, foreign methods of expression sit, nestled in a batch of words that seem more shallow than a drip’s pool; and, I pour into them with every gland and nerve of this body I was given. I dry myself with slow breathing, only to soak again and slosh about when I wake. I feel like a weathered, angry man when my wife wakes me for what I must do before going off to indentured servitude of a much less harsh variety than was prior to our country’s freedom. I do not ramble; I stroll amongst thoughts as would a day-tripper to the forest: with a sense that there must be a time to leave, but having very little care to get there. And, too, I sometimes stop short, before any sort of insight makes its way through the text I’ve laid to dry, but forgot I did not wash them first.

I forget myself as easily as my PIN for everything other than my debit card. You can see I am but a forgetful bit of man, sunken and raised at the same time, with a hairline border to keep me defined.

Every piece of writing seems so much longer and lasting when written than when read. That’s why I don’t go back to read: disappointment in myself for what my self has written and recorded. Funny, I envisioned my life and saw, long ago, a continued emphasis on what it is I loved: dictation and repetition.