I repeat the same actions

I repeat the same actions
in hope of finding that
which may alter my
ever-repeating path.

Am I– I am addicted
to the repetition, though
need a bit of change
to feel in control (also
part of the addiction).

I close, open, reload, refresh
for changes made by others
as if my own changes
matter not– for I am not
as clever, no!, nor witty
as they who ‘ve found
their calling in
the written word.

Is insanity insanity when the
outcome remains the same,
though the substance of
the moments preceding
differ slightly until they
seem a new day?– same
as the last, I assure you!

How bleak the day when I know not your ever-longed-for face.
You sleep now, and I later, with no sense knowing we’re one
disease/incurable danger away from disconnection of our minds.

I transfix gaze, like on scene played out by actors, to these uncertain fingers.
Their idea of slowing down is allowing me to catch up with what they wish to say;
how foolish to let the horse pull the cart without a driver awake at the reigns.  Did
you remember to feed the cats?– Of course you did; always do!  I just wanted to
make sure.

Why, God?

Why, God?

You do not answer
in the traditional sense–
Your path shows more
than words
or fulfilled questions could.

i look back and see Your hands
leading me, gentley, to this line–
and, yet, i cannot see your hands now
or in my forethoughts; what, though,
i do see is Your breath on my skin as
You work hard on this life i follow for/to You.